For its intended audience — Christian readers, particularly women, navigating betrayal, illness, grief, or prayers that seem to go unanswered — It's Not Supposed to Be This Way offers something genuinely distinctive: TerKeurst's willingness to write from inside unresolved, ongoing pain rather than polished retrospection. Publishers Weekly praised her 'transparency, wit, and spiritual insight' and called it a 'skillfully crafted volume,' and its blend of memoir, Bible study, and discussion guide format gives it practical utility beyond a single read. Readers outside the Christian faith tradition, however, will find the book's framework — its arguments, its comfort, and its calls to action — entirely rooted in biblical Scripture in ways that are foundational, not incidental.

It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered

by Lysa TerKeurst

$11.35 on Amazon Read our full review

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First published2018

AudienceAdult

ISBN0718039858

About the Author

Lysa TerKeurst

2 books reviewed

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It's Not Supposed to Be This Way

Name: It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst
Author: Lysa TerKeurst
ISBN: 0718039858

Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered

by Lysa TerKeurst

LuvemBooks Verdict

Best for: Christian women — particularly those in the middle of acute crisis such as betrayal, illness, or unanswered prayer — who want a blend of raw personal memoir, Scripture-grounded guidance, and small-group-ready structure rather than a detached theological study.

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It's Not Supposed to Be This Way is Lysa TerKeurst's Scripture-anchored guide to reframing devastating disappointment — drawing on her own experiences of her husband's infidelity and breast cancer treatment — as a path toward deeper faith rather than evidence of God's absence. Publishers Weekly praised it as a skillfully crafted volume that reads like honest conversation with a trusted friend, and its chapter-ending "Going to the Well" sections make it equally suited to personal reflection and small-group Bible study. The key caveat: the book's entire architecture is rooted in Christian faith and biblical Scripture, and it is not designed to translate outside that tradition.

Is it worth reading?: For its intended audience — Christian readers, particularly women, navigating betrayal, illness, grief, or prayers that seem to go unanswered — It's Not Supposed to Be This Way offers something genuinely distinctive: TerKeurst's willingness to write from inside unresolved, ongoing pain rather than polished retrospection. Publishers Weekly praised her 'transparency, wit, and spiritual insight' and called it a 'skillfully crafted volume,' and its blend of memoir, Bible study, and discussion guide format gives it practical utility beyond a single read. Readers outside the Christian faith tradition, however, will find the book's framework — its arguments, its comfort, and its calls to action — entirely rooted in biblical Scripture in ways that are foundational, not incidental.
Similar books: Readers drawn to It's Not Supposed to Be This Way may also find value in Jennie Allen's Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, which addresses the inner battle with destructive thought patterns from a similarly faith-grounded perspective. Brené Brown's Daring Greatly explores vulnerability and shame with the same unflinching personal honesty, though from a secular research basis rather than a Christian one. For readers drawn to the intersection of mindfulness and emotional struggle, The Mindful Way through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn offers a clinically grounded companion. Lysa TerKeurst's own earlier book Uninvited addresses related themes of rejection and loneliness, and readers who know that work will find a consistent voice and deepened vulnerability here. Sue Monk Kidd's When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Ordinary and Extraordinary Struggles is another spiritually oriented companion for readers navigating crisis and personal transformation.
Who should read this?: It's Not Supposed to Be This Way is designed primarily for Christian readers — particularly women — who are in the middle of circumstances that feel irreparable: betrayal, illness, grief, or the particular anguish of prayers that seem to go unanswered. Readers already familiar with TerKeurst's earlier work, especially Uninvited, will find a consistent voice and an expanded vulnerability. Its small-group-ready format also makes it well suited to church Bible study settings. It is not recommended for readers outside the Christian tradition or those seeking a systematic theological treatment rather than a narrative-driven, memoir-style approach.
About Lysa TerKeurst: Lysa TerKeurst is an American speaker and author of Christian non-fiction.
How does this compare to Uninvited?: Both It's Not Supposed to Be This Way and Uninvited share TerKeurst's accessible, Scripture-grounded voice and speak directly to women navigating painful emotional experiences. However, It's Not Supposed to Be This Way goes further in personal disclosure — at the time of writing, TerKeurst was actively recovering from a double mastectomy and working through her husband's infidelity, giving this book a rawer, more unresolved quality than a retrospective account might carry. Readers familiar with Uninvited will find a consistent voice here alongside what LuvemBooks describes as an expanded vulnerability.
What are the main themes?: The book's central themes are disappointment, suffering, and the crisis of faith that arises when life looks nothing like what was hoped or prayed for. TerKeurst tackles the tension between faith and feelings head-on, arguing that unanswered prayers and betrayal by people one depends on are not evidence of God's absence but can be seasons that draw a person closer to Him. Secondary themes include the experience of illness and bodily vulnerability (TerKeurst's own breast cancer and double mastectomy), marital betrayal, and the particular anguish of feeling that God is distant or silent.
Where should I start with Lysa TerKeurst?: Of the two TerKeurst books LuvemBooks has reviewed, the best starting point depends on what a reader is looking for. It's Not Supposed to Be This Way is the more emotionally raw and theologically focused of the two, tackling suffering, betrayal, and crisis of faith directly. I'll Start Again Monday addresses a different subject area entirely. Readers drawn to TerKeurst's voice around personal pain and spiritual reorientation will find It's Not Supposed to Be This Way the more directly relevant entry point.

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About Lysa TerKeurst

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Where should I start with Lysa TerKeurst?

Summarize this book

It's Not Supposed to Be This Way opens by challenging the widely repeated Christian platitude that 'God will never give you more than you can handle,' then builds a case — grounded in TerKeurst's own experiences of her husband's infidelity and breast cancer treatment, including a double mastectomy — that shattering disappointment can be what draws a person closer to God. TerKeurst frames unanswered prayers and betrayal not as evidence of God's absence but as seasons that can deepen faith, inviting readers to 'wrestle well between faith and feelings.' The book blends personal memoir, Scripture, and a guided Bible-study structure, with each chapter closing with a 'Going to the Well' section containing additional Scripture, discussion questions, and a prayer.

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Age & Reading Level

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Adult

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Content to know about

infidelity and marital betrayal

breast cancer diagnosis and double mastectomy

Skip if you're looking for a secular grief or resilience guide with no religious framework

Editorial Review

Lysa TerKeurst's It's Not Supposed to Be This Way is a Christian nonfiction book published by Thomas Nelson in November 2018 that draws on TerKeurst's own experiences of her husband's infidelity and her battle with breast cancer to help readers reframe disappointment as a path toward deeper faith. A New York Times bestseller, the book is structured around Scripture, personal narrative, and chapter-ending reflection sections designed for both individual and group use.

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Books like It's Not Supposed to Be This Way

Curated picks for readers who enjoyed It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, with our reasoning for each match.

If you liked It's Not Supposed to Be This Way

In our catalogue

Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts

Jennie Allen

Christian author uses neuroscience and Scripture to disrupt destructive thought patterns — same faith-grounded, emotionally raw approach as TerKeurst, aimed at women in crisis.

Readers who connected with It's Not Supposed to Be This Way will find a close companion in Jennie Allen's Get Out of Your Head. Both books are written by Christian women for Christian women navigating real, painful seasons of life, and both blend personal testimony with biblical teaching to offer a path through — not around — suffering. Where TerKeurst focuses on the earthquake of external disappointment, Allen drills into the internal spiral: the anxious, self-defeating thoughts that take root when life falls apart. Allen draws on neuroscience alongside Scripture to show readers that they have more agency over their mental patterns than they realize. If you've been searching for books like It's Not Supposed to Be This Way that combine faith, vulnerability, and practical tools for women dealing with anxiety and loss, Get Out of Your Head belongs at the top of your list.

In our catalogue

Daring Greatly

Brené Brown

Brown's research-driven case for vulnerability as strength echoes TerKeurst's core argument — being shattered doesn't disqualify you, it opens you — minus the explicitly Christian framing.

One of the central movements in It's Not Supposed to Be This Way is TerKeurst's argument that vulnerability and brokenness are not signs of spiritual failure — they are the very ground in which deeper strength grows. Brené Brown makes an almost identical argument in Daring Greatly, but arrives there through years of qualitative research on shame and human connection rather than through Scripture. Brown's writing is equally personal and confessional, and her concept of the "arena" — showing up fully even when you risk being hurt — maps directly onto what TerKeurst describes as choosing faith in the middle of devastation. For readers searching for books like It's Not Supposed to Be This Way that explore shame, resilience, and the courage to stay open after being broken, Daring Greatly is the most natural secular counterpart on this list.

In our catalogue

The Pivot Year

Brianna Wiest

Wiest's prose-poetry meditations on transformation through pain share TerKeurst's conviction that crisis is a threshold — but in a short, secular, journal-style format.

Readers who responded to the emotional core of It's Not Supposed to Be This Way — the idea that a shattered life is not a ruined life, but the beginning of a different, deeper one — will find that same conviction in Brianna Wiest's The Pivot Year. Structured as 365 short daily reflections, the book is designed for people in the middle of an unwanted life transition: a lost relationship, a health crisis, a future that no longer exists as planned. Wiest's prose is lyrical and introspective rather than prescriptive, and the book carries no religious framing, making it a strong recommendation for readers who loved the emotional journey of It's Not Supposed to Be This Way but are looking for something shorter, more secular, and suited to daily quiet-time reading. If you've searched for books to read after a major life disappointment, The Pivot Year is one of the most widely recommended titles in that space.

Not your thing?

In our catalogue

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: The Workbook

Lori Gottlieb

If the Christian framework in TerKeurst's book felt like a barrier, this workbook offers the same unflinching look at life's derailments through a therapeutic, secular, and immediately actionable lens.

It's Not Supposed to Be This Way is a book whose entire structure is built on Christian faith — if that framework isn't yours, the book's core reassurances may feel inaccessible even when the emotional situations (betrayal, illness, shattered expectations) feel painfully familiar. Lori Gottlieb's Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: The Workbook offers a compelling alternative for that reader. Drawing on Gottlieb's work as a therapist and her own experience as a patient, the workbook guides readers through the same territory — grief, identity collapse, the stories we tell ourselves about why life went wrong — using cognitive and narrative therapy tools rather than Scripture. The tone is warm and honest in a way that echoes TerKeurst's conversational style, but the framework is psychological and universal. For anyone Googling "books like It's Not Supposed to Be This Way without the religious content," this is the most direct answer.